Here's what I've got, babe...

When I was told that I wouldn't be involved in any aspect of my 30th birthday, my mind started racing... But, but, what about the decor?! The layout of the house?! The events of the evening?! THE FOOD?!?! One of my biggest, ahem, concerns, if you will, was the food. I am a picker—a mini cupcake, poppable appetizer, finger food kind of gal. On top of that, I like to snack on the healthier side. Talk about a challenge for late night party food! My party planners proclaimed a big ol' "Challenge Accepted!" and delivered the most Pinterest-esque finger food spread I had ever seen. I would be doing a serious injustice to the party-planning and foodie world if I didn't provide a breakdown of every single delectable dish on that table. Eat your heart out, Martha Stewart. Pepperoni Twirls from Dizzy, Busy & Hungry {You see those little pockets of heaven off to the left? Yea, those were a foodie favorite. And the perfect late LATE night snack as you wrap up in the wee hours of the night {morning, whatever}. Tip: serve with warm marinara sauce!} Inspired by Mediterranean Cucumber Cups from The Three Little Piglets {Only, sprinkle in some pepperoncini's, layer with hummus on the bottom, and then fill to the brim with your med-mixture.} Antipasto Skewers from The Weary Chef & Satay Chicken Skewers from The Nest {My one input on food was: finger, fancy & skewered. Nailed it!} Spinach Dip Bites from Lil Luna {Okay, so these weren't the h e a l t h i e s t thing on the menu, but there's spinach in it, so it half counts, right!? Besides, the flavor combo is way worth it, and the mini size keeps you from OD'ing...if you have restraint.} Giada's Mini Eggplant Parmesan from Food Network {Like savory little pizzas without the heavy crust, but still with a crunchy crust! These were a top contender for "must-have-again" favorite.} Inspired by Asian Crab Salad Croustades {sans crab} from The Passionate Cook {I love anything with an Asian flair {it's in my blood, ya know} and these were so incredibly fresh and, to quote Katy Perry, "Japanesey" {not an actual word and makes my skin crawl, but there you have it}—they were a win, win!} Bloody. Mary. Shrimp. Shooters. from Man Titlement {I added the periods for emphasis - because, Y A ' L L. Three of my favorite things in one: bloody mary's, mini-everything and seafood. Now this is a shot this 30-year-old will do!} I wish I could tell you there was a place you could purchase these delicious mini cuppycakes, but I can *hopefully* say that they will be coming to a local bakery at s o m e point in my lifetime, because these beauties deserve to be in a window front. And in my belly, on demand. I wish I had a picture of the intricately stunning cake, but alas, that IS in my belly. Photo cred: Renee Hollingshead Photography Food spread: Courtesy of my foodie of sis who missed her calling as a critic {or chef}, my Ma who broke out of her normal food-box, and my besties who can always whip up something Pinterest-worthy! Cake/Cupcakes: Erin Horton Poff - coming soon to an Etsy shop near you... (right?!) ;-) #recipe #health #hostessinspo

We became quite the dodgers over the years—professional dodgers even. Finding new excuses, coming up with our newest reason of the week—of the month—it became sort of a game. Sometimes we would lie so much that I would start to believe it. I think some of you caught on after a while because you stopped asking. Thanks for that—dodging gets exhausting. It started out truthful, I promise. Then slowly but surely the truth got harder, so the lies started to pile up. The more we found out, the more we lied. So much so that it was hard to keep track of who we had lied to and what lie we used that time. I should have kept a list. It all started with the basic, instinctual question that you ask all married couples. "When are you guys going to have a baby?" The answer was almost always, "Oh, I don't know - we're on the five year plan!" We were young! We had plenty of time. No rush. Do you know how fast five years flies?! Fast, ya'll. Especially when you are having a blast, seeing the world, working your butts off, drinking your livers off, and just....living. We were soon faced with our five year commitment. We started to consider making our first truth a reality. That's when the lies started. They were our own doing and denial at first...but then they became forced. It was out of our hands. We didn't want to lie - but we couldn't bear telling everyone the truth. Friends of ours that were ready to start a family said, "After you go to Paris, let's get pregnant together!" Lie: "Yes! Let's!" Truth: We weren't quite ready—we were having the time of our lives, just the two of us. In hindsight, I wish we would have started then. Then we would be a year ahead of this process - this never-ending process. Everyone and their mother {including ours} would ask any chance they got, "When are you guys going to have a baby?!" Lie: After the year of "Yes!" We're going to do a whole year of flying by the seat of our pants, saying "Yes!" to everything, while we can. Truth: An excuse to keep us from having to commit to trying. I was terrified—what if I got pregnant right away?! Of course, I wouldn't have, and again, I wish I would have started then. Friends of ours announce their pregnancy and of course the question follows, "Do you guys think you'll get pregnant soon?" Truth: I hope so! We just went off birth control, so whenever it happens, it happens! This actually was the truth at the time. I feel like that's the last time we even remotely told the truth. That's when the forced lies started... "Five years is totally up, and then some - so, babies soon??" Lie: Yes, yes, soon - we're working on it! Truth: "Working on it" was an understatement. "Working on it" would mean that we were tracking ovulation, taking temperatures, and holding our breath to see whether Aunt Flo would rear her ugly head, or not. In reality, we were starting the emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausting road through infertility treatments. MRI's, blood tests, sperm tests, tests that made me literally scream at the top of my lungs {HSG, aka, this is what labor must feel like, right?!}, and the eventual diagnosis of: inconclusive. My state of fertility was inconclusive. No rhyme, reason or understanding as to why I couldn't get pregnant—just the knowledge that I, in fact, could not naturally conceive. Looking back, realizing that I couldn't naturally conceive isn't even a notch on pain's belt—the real pain, roadblocks, heartache, letdowns, dreams crashing—that hadn't even begun. Sounds dramatic, right? Well, it was - it is. And for anyone who can go through years of failed infertility treatments with their head forever held high is either the strongest person on earth - or the best damn liar. We became a mix of both—putting on faces when we needed to, and lying when faces failed us. Those select few who knew what we were going through would delicately ask, "So, how's it going...?" Lie: It's going! We're in the middle of a cycle, so we'll see. Truth: Our go-to answer was that we were always in the middle of a cycle. It was just easier that way to ensure that no one would be waiting on the hook for a positive or negative result. No sense in everyone being on edge, right? Sometimes I wish I would have been more truthful and taken some of the weight of my shoulders, off my hubby's shoulders. That man shouldered every thought, feeling and emotion I had, without blinking an eye. Then, one Friday afternoon in the Summer, while sitting at our kitchen table, the phone rang - and we thought all our lies were behind us. The blissful truth we'd been waiting for: we were pregnant. I wish I could say that's our happily-ever-after, but I'm guessing you, too, are wondering how that could be - because where's the bump, the announcement, the baby? A mere four weeks later, our lies returned. Only, this time I was broken beyond repair, and barely had the strength to speak - let alone, lie. Miscarriage is a...ya know, I don't know that there's a description for it. I'm just left shaking my head at the thought of it. Nonetheless, it's another topic in itself - and one that I will touch on, when I'm ready. All this heavy-loaded-blog-talk to say - we've been leading a second life. One that not many saw, but one that many many others also live. You'd be shocked to find out how many people go through infertility treatments, once you're going through it yourself. So, why come forward now? Two reasons—one of which is to pay it forward, if even just the slightest. I spent countless nights, afternoons, weekends, holidays—months, really—reading and rereading infertility and miscarriage blogs. Despite the fact that my husband was a ROCK, and my family and friends were endlessly and sensitively supportive, there is no one who will understand what it's like to go through this - unless they are also shooting up, getting blood work done 3-5 times a week, being poked, prodded, studied, tested and growing more hopeless by the day. I promised myself that when I was ready, I would pay it forward. I used to wish and wish for someone who was going through this to "accidentally" find out so they could coach me through. So, if by reading my blog you can find some solace, or find yourself nodding along, or even find the strength to reach out - then I've done my job. And, even though sometimes others' success stories would be hurtful, I still have to say it - stay HOPEFUL, stay FOCUSED, keep your eye on the PRIZE, stick TOGETHER, and never ever ever stop searching for SILVER LININGS... My second reason for sharing...go ahead, ask. I know you're dying to... "Are you pregnant?" Truth: Yes <3 Our pregnancy announcement video by Erin Michelle Photography!! {That I still can't get through without crying} #infertility #miscarriage #life #Realtalk #health #pregnancy

It's a hot Summer day, you hear a lawn mower in the distance, you smell a grill firing up, your mouth starts salivating, and all you can think is... B E E R. But not just any beer—a light, crisp, refreshing, citrus Summer beer. I remember the first time I tasted Leinenkugel's Summer Shandy. My senses were tuned in to all of the above, I took a sip out of this brightly colored can, and suddenly - Summer was literally dancing in my mouth. It sounds gross—it's not—it's delicious. But, sometimes you don't feel like drinking a beer {I know, the S H A M E, the horror! But it happens.}, yet you still want that citrus-shandy taste. That's when these cupcakes were born. And while I was making them, they just kept evolving. "Aha! I'll use lemon cake mix." "What if—what IF—I put a lemon Oreo on the bottom?!" And thus, in a beautifully 350 degree ceremony, lemon Oreos married Leinenkugel's Summer Shandy, and this beautiful baby was born. First, preheat your oven to 350 degrees. While you're preheating, drop a lemon Oreo into each cupcake liner. {Let's talk about liners for a quick second. Did you know that you're supposed to remove the white liner inside of the Reynold's Foil cupcake liners? They are only placed there during manufacturing to ensure the foil doesn't stick, but they should be removed before baking. A little naive baking tip for you ::naive, party of one::} Second, douse your lemon Oreos with the Summer Shandy-induced lemon cake batter until they fill 2/3 of the cupcake liner. Third, bake those babies for about 18-20 minutes, until their tops are golden brown. Fourth, once cooled, glaze your cuppycakes to perfection. Seeing as how this glaze is a bit thinner and messy {thanks a lot Summer Shandy! I'm just kidding—please never leave me.} it would be quite difficult to pipe, so I just flip my cake upside and d u n k - just like a true Oreo should be dealt. The best part about glazed cupcakes? The drippage. "Oh, let me get that for you..." Baby got back. Or bottom, whatever—she's got it. I now pronounce you Oreo & Shandy—you may gobble the cupcake. Summer Shandy Lemon Oreo Cupcakes Makes 18-24 cupcakes Total Time: Approximately 30 minutes Ingredients 1 Box of Betty Crocker Lemon Cake {or any lemon cake mix. I don't discriminate against cake mixes - I'm not that sophisticated of a baker...} 1 Package Lemon Oreos 1/2 Cup Vegetable Oil 3 Eggs 1 Cup + 2 Tbl of Leinenkugel's Summer Shandy {you're welcome to use any citrus Summer beer... but I DO discriminate with my Summer Shandy. Sorry, Sam Adams.} 1 Tub of Cream Cheese Icing Instructions Preheat your oven to 350 degrees. Line 2 12-cup muffin pans - I like to use a sturdy liner like Reynold's Foil Cupcake Liners, because this cupcake is no joke. Plop a lemon Oreo into each cupcake liner. In a large mixing bowl, mix the lemon cake mix, 1/2 cup of vegetable oil and 3 eggs. Then slowlyyy pour in the Summer Shandy. Yes, it will fizz and bubble like you just sloshed around a bottle of beer—no worries, just let it settle. Then slowly fold it into the mixture until smooth. Fill your cupcake liners about 2/3 of the way, pouring the cake mixture over your Oreos. Bake for 18-20 minutes, until a toothpick comes out clean. While your cakes cool on a wire wrack, whip up your icing. Combine the tub of cream cheese and two tablespoons of Summer Shandy in a bowl and then pop in the freezer to harden a bit. When your cakes are completely cooled, dunk them cake-side down into the Summer Shandy cream cheese glaze. Flip upright and let settle—I suggest placing them upright onto some parchment paper to catch drippage. Or place it in your hand to catch drippage, but that might make it difficult to continue dunking. Your call! Take a bite and TELL me that doesn't taste like a Summer Shandy! {Best kept in the fridge, like the real beer, duh.} #recipe